I Want To Believe

This summer's been jam packed with enough nerdy goodness to make even Kevin Smith himself cream his pants. First there was Favreau's Iron Man that has pretty much guaranteed a steady flow of comic book movies for the next few years, then The Incredible Hulk, which tied everyone over until the long awaited The Dark Knight face fucked everyone under the sun. Even my seventy year-old grandma wants to see Nolan's opus. [Note: I'm quite aware that I just implied TDK face fucked my grandmother.] Needless to say, I was counting on X-Files: I Want To Believe to satiate my deepest nerdy desires even after being inundated with a barrage of superhero flicks.

We've been fans of the series for years and are surprised that more people aren't into the show, considering the recent explosion of sci-fi shows on television [Heroes, Battlestar Galactica, Dr. Who, Lost]. Much to our dismay, most kids these days don't give two shits about The X-Files, Chris Carter, or the fact that it lasted a respectable nine seasons on-air.. on Fox.. arguably the number one killer of most sci-fi shows in the history of broadcast television. What's more, the first film [in case you didn't realize one existed] hit theaters ten years ago.. TEN years. That's a decade people, and the show finished its run six years after that. Quite respectable, even if Mexican goatsuckers, little green men, or seeing Giovanni Ribisi turn Jack Black into a human light-bulb isn't your cup of tea. But enough venting..

I Want To Believe takes place six years after Mulder [David "I heart Pedigree" Duchovny and Scully [Gillian "Former Sexiest Woman in the World" Anderson] have left the F.B.I. Scully's the resident badass doctor at a children's hospital and Mulder's grown himself a Grizzly Adams beard. The rest of the movie is pretty simple: something weird goes down in West Virginia [big surprise right? it was there or New Jersey..], the F.B.I can't figure out what the fuck is going on, Xzibit shows up, and Mulder & Scully are on the case. Obviously, there's more to it than that, but Chris Carter's kept the subplots under lock and key, so I'll let you pay ten bucks and figure out what the all the hoo-ha is about.. That is, of course, if you want to. And you just might want to pass and catch a second viewing of The Dark Knight instead. Here's why:

This movie, no matter how much Chris Carter has promised otherwise, is for the hardcore fans. It's basically an extended version of the show's staple standalone episode [as opposed to the mythology or comedic variety]. That being said, I think this is the best thing about this movie: it's not trying to take the show and stylize it for the bigsreen, but instead you feel like you're sitting in an abnormally large living room watching an episode on SciFi on a huge plasma TV. The only thing this movie was missing was a few Geico commercials and a teaser for Eureka. Unfortunately, this is what's going to turn most people away. Despite the best attempts to include some kind of backstory, it just doesn't work out well. There are a ton of "fuck yeah!" moments, but if you're there on a whim, they're just gonna go over your head and leave you disappointed. The story isn't the greatest, I'll admit, but I enjoyed this flick simply because it was exactly what I was expecting, which isn't a lot for the usual moviegoer. Do yourself and the legion of diehard X-Files fans a favor and pass on this one if you can't tell the difference between a "Skinman" and a "Cigarette Smoking Man." And with that...

1. Why is West Virginia such a shithole?
2. Was that George W. Bush moment really necessary?
3. Are swimming pools the best way to pickup chicks?
4. Does Gillian Anderson in fact dislike scratchy beards?


P.S. If you're a fan of Battlestar Galactica, you're gonna get a nice little surprise.. So say we all!!