All right. Despite the ridiculous push and shove that's expected with big studio legal nightmares [Warner and Fox, we're looking at you...] the day has finally arrived [a few days early for us just because we're always doing it big]: probably the most hyped movie of 2009, Watchmen, hits theaters this weekend across the country causing every fanboy within 10 feet of an ethernet connection to wet himself.
After a quick meal of deep fried chicken and biscuits we grabbed our tickets, found some nice seats mid-left of the theater and waited until the lights went down and the show began, and boy what a show it was. After a quick and modest DC/Watchmen title flash we're thrown into the middle of a dark living room watching television with one of the film's main characters checking out the various talk shows and commercials from an alternate 1985 the movie takes place in. Now, if you've read the graphic novel you know what's about to go down: the front door gets kicked in, a brutal ass beating takes place, and our fellow TV watcher gets thrown out of a 10 story window. Zoom in on a bloody smiley face pin and voila! you've got the first few minutes of Watchmen. The title sequence that follows is very impressive and it gives the viewer a little glimpse of the strange world The Watchmen used to patrol up until a government act outlawed costumed vigilantism. This is pretty much where the rest of the movie picks up, exploring the reason why said TV watcher was given an impromptu flying lesson and what this means for the rest of the world.
We won't go into all the nitty gritty themes/subplots that unfold throughout Watchmen [there's too much to get through and we're too lazy] but we will say this: the movie's a great cinematic experience, even if it is considered a "comic book flick" with funny superheroes walking around talking like Christian "I'm gonna fucking kick your fucking ass" Bale's Batman. What this film does well is throw you a curve ball mucking up what you think a comic book movie should look like. Plus there's tons of explosions, sexy chicks in tight latex, your usual Zack Snyder super slo-mo action sequences, and oh yeah.. Mickey from Seinfeld shows up midway through the film as a disgruntled prison inmate. Oh, that reminds us...
Warning: there are quite a few scenes that'll make even the slightly squeamish run for the loo or the theater next to you that's playing Fired Up. This movie's rated R for a good reason, so don't let your 12 year old convince you that it's all fun and games with Ace and Gary running around fighting crime.
To recap: Zack Snyder's Watchmen is a visual attack on your eyes, but in a good way [fuck you Speed Racer]. The man's devoted a lot of time to make sure this movie doesn't skimp on the special effects and it definitely shows. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of the character development doesn't quite happen and it hurts this film because the reason it's such a big deal is because the characters are what make the story work in the first place. Yes, it's action packed, yes they're trying to prevent the end of the world, but without the human element the entire film suffers. You're left feeling confused about why you should care about the film's characters at all and in the end, there's just a little something missing. Not to say that this ruins Watchmen altogether, it's just what happens when you take one medium and try to transpose one of its most sacred works to film. That and some of the musical choices make you scratch your head for a few seconds.
The film's cast includes Billy "Prefontaine" Crudup, Malin "shotgun anus!" Akerman, Matthew Goode, Jackie "try to get out of this one Macgyver!" Earle Haley, TV extraordinaire Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Patrick "I'm a dumb homeowner" Wilson, and Carla "I hate Ari Gold" Gugino. Directed by Zack Snyder [Dawn of the Dead remake, 300]. And with that,
1. Do multiple Dr. Manhattan's in bed qualify as a menage a trois?
2. What the hell does a tachyon really do?
3. Am I wrong or did Veidt own a goddamn Liger?
4. Is a flash fryer really the best weapon to deter a prison shanking?
