AVP:R

a.k.a. “Alien vs. Predator: Requiem”

Ok, we realize that this movie came out last Christmas, but thought it’d be cool to discuss, seeing as how it was recently released on DVD. The original Alien and Predator hold a special place in our hearts, and what better way to appreciate them than rant about this flick for a bit. Plus it’s Friday, and being not far off from Ice Cube, you could say “we ain’t got shit to do.”

There was speculation on imdb.com discussion boards that AVP:R was in the running for the worst film of 2007. That is obviously not true, as anyone who has ventured into straight-to-DVD releases can tell you. What AVP:R is, is a more refined and less accessible addition to the series. That’s no reason for the movie not to kick ass though, and here’s why:

For those not familiar with Aliens or Predators, here’s a very brief review of the franchise:

--Predator 1& 2: 8’ tall aliens that like to hunt people for sport and can cloak. Apparently frequent South American jungles and Los Angeles.

--Alien quadrilogy: Creatures that kill on sight, have acid for blood, and are generally unpleasant.

--Alien vs. Predator: Add these two sci-fi monsters and have them fight in an ancient temple under ice in Antarctica. Toss in an exploration team lead by the dude who played Bishop in Aliens and you have a good movie right? Well, no. It was like combining two good Kool-Aid flavors, but then you add too much water and realize you’re also out of sugar. Maybe this movie was trying too hard to be safe and mainstream. And whose idea was it to have Predators go 80% of AVP without their shoulder cannons? For those who don’t know, the plasma weapon is what took off Carl Weathers’s arm in Predator, and is preceded by three laser dots of doom. Predator is to plasma castor as Ash is to boomstick. It’s as straightforward as an SAT analogy. (R.I.P you bastard portion of that test…)

AVP:R is not a simple AVP # 2. The plot picks up right where AVP left off, with a “Predalien” hatching and starting shit on the Predator’s ship, which immediately crashes into the American Northwest. A father and son hunting duo provide the escaped alien face-huggers with victims, and voila, you’ve got an alien problem. Meanwhile in Predator land, a badass Predator sees the ship crash on TV and busts ass over to Earth to clean things up. The first 5 minutes of AVP:R have just elapsed.

The rest of the story loosely follows a set of first-name-only characters in this small town as they try to escape. But most of us know what happens when you mix a small town disaster and the government (*coughs* Outbreak). Perhaps the only thing the number “2” applies to in AVP:R is to describe the main Predator’s dual shoulder plasma casters. The theme for this movie is “excess” – maybe a response to overcompensate for the mild graphical nature of AVP. This flick really holds nothing back and plays up every dangerous aspect of each alien creature, which is what we think redeems the movie and makes it awesome. On top of that, it’s filled with “fatalities” that would make Mortal Kombat jealous. In this way AVP:R brings back the horror captured perfectly with the start of the franchise. A similar feeling of satisfaction that you’d get by tossing some f-bombs into Die Hard 4.

There’s definitely a nostalgia aspect to this flick too, which peaks once the National Guard starts blasting at xenomorphs (a wiki search revealed this was the official name for the insect-like creatures). As the high-pitched screams start to echo over the radio you almost feel like you’re back in Aliens. Did humans even kill aliens in AVP? Those goons dropped faster than the first 3 stormtroopers through a set of blast doors.

Be on the lookout too for a cameo from Francoise Yip (Black Mask, Rumble in the Bronx), who is introduced as Ms. Yatani – presumably representing half of the Wayland-Yatani group (referred to as “The Company” throughout Alien movies) that will eventually dominate space technology and corporate evildoing. We have to give AVP:R, released almost 30 years after Alien, at least some credit for this attempt at continuity. And was that a hint for third AVP film we saw at the end? In a suggestive John Stewart voice, we say “hmmm….go on”.

Things we wanted more of from AVP:R:

- A main hero we could follow (Arnold, Ripley, Danny Glover, anything). But I guess if you’re looking for plot, you’re in the wrong place.

- A handful of B-list actors to balance it out (Bill Paxton, Gary Busey, Warrick from CSI).

- Awesome underwater shots of aliens swimming (a la Resurrection)