Diary Of The Dead

There's a few things I like to experience in a zombie flick:

1. Zombies that eat people
2. A protagonist(s) I care about and don't want to see eaten by said zombies
3. Hot chicks
4. Guns, explosives, swords, or some combination thereof
5. Brains, guts, and flesh ripped apart

That being said, Diary Of the Dead fulfills all criteria with flying colors. Great, right? WRONG. This movie was far from great. For some reason, Romero got all the ingredients right, yet somehow managed to fuck up the zombie pot pie. Don't get me wrong, though; the movie wasn't outright awful, it just tried too hard to be the creme de la creme of zombie brain fests. The film tries - and fails - to whip a little message at the viewer through clumsy Sarah Connor-esque voice overs concerning the fact that the dead have risen while simultaneously splattering brains about. Now, this would work perfectly if the characters weren't college students waxing intellectual about the meaning of a new world where you can't die without wanting to eat your little brother. Unfortunately, this isn't the case and instead of a regression to animalistic survival behavior a la 28 Days Later, we're treated to long diatribes about why the world's going to hell in a handbasket. Pleasant. Diary Of the Dead's not completely over thought, thank the gods, because there are plenty of awesome moments that made me not wish I'd rented season one of Entourage instead. For instance, have you ever seen a deaf Amish dude throw a stick of dynamite at a mob of zombies and get a triple kill? Yeah, neither had I, until I saw one do it in Diary. Ever see a swimming pool full of a zombie family like a bunch of goldfish? What about a zombie boy take an arrow to the head like he was a target in high school archery class? And a zombie mummy rip the clothes off a damsel in distress [nudity!! yes!] ? You can imagine my inability to take these well armed college kids' woes to heart, due to the rapid switch from serious zombie drama to slapstick zombie tomfoolery. That, in a nutshell, is Romero's supposed revival of his beloved Dead series. And with that...


1. Are all Amish dudes packing a shed full of dynamite?
2. Why is Jason Creed such a failure? Damn film students...
3. Did Diary rip off [REC] near the end with the old couple?
4. Could I really still watch youtube in a zombie apocalypse?